I started doing focus wheels again recently, and I noticed something interesting.

In a focus wheel, you write down something that you want to believe (but don't currently believe) in the middle of a piece of paper. Then, slowly, surely, you write down 12 thoughts in a circle around that central thing that you actually do believe and that make you feel just a tiny bit better.

By the end of the exercise, you've come up with a lot of new thoughts and ways to focus on something that previously seemed impossible to change.

I noticed the way my brain had to work while doing this exercise. It required focus and creative thought – things I used to have in spades and use daily. It's the act of sitting down and imagining other possibilities. I realized it was very similar to the process we use in P.E.T. called Method III.

Method III, or No-Lose Conflict Resolution, relies on a group brainstorming technique to come up with new ideas to solve previously intractable problems. It requires the same willingness to sit with something, focus upon it, and gradually come up with a new solution – or, in this case, a set of solutions that everyone then chooses from.

Even very young children can grasp this idea and readily come up with suggestions of their own about bedtime struggles and the like. What matters in Method III is not that a "correct" idea comes about, but that we all come up with new ideas that are acceptable and seem like they'll solve the problem and meet the needs of everyone at the table. I love this use of creativity in relationships, and I love the power it has to take something seemingly impossible and turn it into an adventure.