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It's how the conflicts are resolved that matters most. Thomas Gordon, who developed P.E.T., describes the types of conflict resolution that are available to parents.
It's okay for parents to have strong feelings and to use those feelings to create more authentic relationships with their children. In P.E.T., we learn and practice ways to communicate those feelings that still leave the child's self-esteem intact and that work to create desired shifts in behavior.
Lee-Anne, my co-Instructor, made this great comment in one of our meetings this week.
When we use the Gordon Model, we're intending first of all to separate out behaviors (things you can take a picture of, or record with a microphone) from labels or interpretations of those behaviors....
In P.E.T., Parent Effectiveness Training, we learn skills that let everyone be a real person. Oftentimes, when people become parents, they take on a role and feel like they’re suddenly supposed to have all the answers, or be completely consistent from one moment to the next. A...
When parents use power (reward or punishment) to resolve conflicts in their relationship with their children, the child will develop other behaviors (“coping mechanisms”) in response to the use of power by the parent. These behaviors might include:
1. Resistance, defiance, rebellion, or a negative outlook.
2. Resentment, anger, and...
Needs versus solutions. Method III is the foundation of P.E.T. and one of the core reasons I wanted to become an Instructor for this model of human relationship.
Many fights – in families, couples, workplaces, friendships – are about competing solutions in a conflict-of-needs situation. Method III keeps problems solved...
