Needs versus solutions. Method III is the foundation of P.E.T. and one of the core reasons I wanted to become an Instructor for this model of human relationship.

Many fights – in families, couples, workplaces, friendships – are about competing solutions in a conflict-of-needs situation. Method III keeps problems solved by taking the time to identify needs before tapping into group (or individual) brainstorming power to define solutions.

It also has the unusual ability to take life in entirely new directions when applied.

Here's an example of Method III from my own life. I knew I needed to establish some new relationships because the family relationships I had were dominating to an extent that didn't feel good to me. I also had strong inner conflict – several different voices from different ages or experiences that told me it wasn't safe to date or put myself out there.

My need is to establish new relationships, and I hear that you're scared and overwhelmed, I said to those conflicting parts. What can you think of that might help solve this problem?

Method III solutions don't need to be grandiose – even the smallest possible step can effect great change.

It took a while and it wasn't easy, but eventually the conflict eased and those inner children did offer a solution that I liked as well:

Dating was too hard, but I could read a book with somebody new.

So I started Children's Books for Grown-Ups, a weekly meeting for people over 18 to bring their favorite children's books, tell stories, and meet somebody new. It's been great fun, and I have Method III to thank.